jisatsu90 @ 2007-08-18T15: 12:00
Since the school again, I come to nothing. I can only 2 hours per day on the PC, so I have no time to make something great. I've been about 2 weeks not with someone from the suicide thread (which has now been renamed to "Fragile Souls") is spoken, and I miss all of the total. - Even if the therapist says, it would not be good that I have that contact, because I was supposed to be very charged and insightful view is eye * twist *. In RL I also come to nothing because I can not be bothered.
My father has been in the mental hospital open last week. Today he is at home and I am again fled to my room.
is in the autumn holidays I psychosomatic on the station. The Thera hinschicken'd most like right there. Am I really Sun sick?
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
Heather Cervical Mucus
First day
the first day of school so now I have behind me. As bad as I had feared he was not. I feel very alone when I look at my courses, even though my girls and I have chosen much the same, we will miss. Daria I Päda together and physics, with Katrin music and physics. Julia, I will seen only in Päda. Free lessons are always right in the middle and double periods are generally interrupted by a big break. When I did sports, I do not know yet, I just hope that does not overlap with Taekwon-Do.
Our senior coordinator makes the whole for the first time I think she is just as uncertain as we do. In the speech this morning I would have least wanted a voice recorder as fast as she has the runtergerattert. Right at the front sat a girl who looked very sad and very alone. Julia and I have agreed that we will respond again. Daria has also tried to make conversation. She told us that they just went to two girls and introduced himself. They have looked like a car.
's past was easier to close friendships. Since it is just went there, asked "Do we want to be friends" and then everything was ok. But a new acquaintance, we had that already. Before Daria knew her name, she always said to us: "The colored with the hair, which is nice." In Päda we then found out that "the colored with the hair" Janine called. After school we were talking a little with her.
Katrina was picked up by her driving instructor for driving lessons and took me. At the start I had doubts whether the fact a good idea had been to But then she has mastered the really very confident.
the first day of school so now I have behind me. As bad as I had feared he was not. I feel very alone when I look at my courses, even though my girls and I have chosen much the same, we will miss. Daria I Päda together and physics, with Katrin music and physics. Julia, I will seen only in Päda. Free lessons are always right in the middle and double periods are generally interrupted by a big break. When I did sports, I do not know yet, I just hope that does not overlap with Taekwon-Do.
Our senior coordinator makes the whole for the first time I think she is just as uncertain as we do. In the speech this morning I would have least wanted a voice recorder as fast as she has the runtergerattert. Right at the front sat a girl who looked very sad and very alone. Julia and I have agreed that we will respond again. Daria has also tried to make conversation. She told us that they just went to two girls and introduced himself. They have looked like a car.
's past was easier to close friendships. Since it is just went there, asked "Do we want to be friends" and then everything was ok. But a new acquaintance, we had that already. Before Daria knew her name, she always said to us: "The colored with the hair, which is nice." In Päda we then found out that "the colored with the hair" Janine called. After school we were talking a little with her.
Katrina was picked up by her driving instructor for driving lessons and took me. At the start I had doubts whether the fact a good idea had been to But then she has mastered the really very confident.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Chocolate Cigarellos How To Make
Michael and Anne
I've already received two emails from Michael again. Kelly had said he wanted to sort out some "friends" and I was really hoping that we would be there, but apparently
... I can not put into words what I feel now. I'm just shocked, I think, perhaps stunned. I'm not even able to play back the mail with my own words. Therefore I quote them just to love
"Hey You,
so a few of you would still have time photos. So I propose again to my sweet Anne :-) Then again alone the monument of the fallen.
Then my two guinea pigs :-) My boys.
Anne And when diving. Did it yesterday. I miss her already full because we can use the phone at the moment only the evening or at night :-( Well this is it last 6 hours again become what we had to tell everything.
I am just so grateful to Anne that you stand by me and is always there for me if I butcher's. But she said again yesterday that would soak never from my side and because I now go to Psyologen yes it can only go uphill.
I have so much shit the last months building and yet you stand by me as never a man before in my life.
On Mitwoch is my first diving hour. Because I want because Tauchsein now as soon as possible, we also have the time together diving.
week after next you come to me over the WE. I'm looking forward. :-)
And at 11.09. It is indeed 18 and I am with you. Yes I know that's not such a great day for a birthday but it can be ausseuchen not so. :-)
are so here are my new numbers.
Mobile: 0160 Festnetzt -********
: 0271 -********
Have changed my contract so that Anne and I also now call the day always for free and can also SMS to each other no longer cost.
Bey your Micha :-) "
I need something to calm the first time.
I've already received two emails from Michael again. Kelly had said he wanted to sort out some "friends" and I was really hoping that we would be there, but apparently
... I can not put into words what I feel now. I'm just shocked, I think, perhaps stunned. I'm not even able to play back the mail with my own words. Therefore I quote them just to love
"Hey You,
so a few of you would still have time photos. So I propose again to my sweet Anne :-) Then again alone the monument of the fallen.
Then my two guinea pigs :-) My boys.
Anne And when diving. Did it yesterday. I miss her already full because we can use the phone at the moment only the evening or at night :-( Well this is it last 6 hours again become what we had to tell everything.
I am just so grateful to Anne that you stand by me and is always there for me if I butcher's. But she said again yesterday that would soak never from my side and because I now go to Psyologen yes it can only go uphill.
I have so much shit the last months building and yet you stand by me as never a man before in my life.
On Mitwoch is my first diving hour. Because I want because Tauchsein now as soon as possible, we also have the time together diving.
week after next you come to me over the WE. I'm looking forward. :-)
And at 11.09. It is indeed 18 and I am with you. Yes I know that's not such a great day for a birthday but it can be ausseuchen not so. :-)
are so here are my new numbers.
Mobile: 0160 Festnetzt -********
: 0271 -********
Have changed my contract so that Anne and I also now call the day always for free and can also SMS to each other no longer cost.
Bey your Micha :-) "
I need something to calm the first time.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Microwaves In The 1920
now
Fri, 03:08:07, 16:25 clock
The film was yesterday Sun He was pretty effektheischerisch and I took most of the time tended to focus on the errors, but otherwise quite nice. Maybe I was just too tired to be excited.
Normally there are popcorn when we go to the movies, we do it anyway so rare. This time I've dispensed with, which surprised my mom pretty. Of the Haribo cherries, it has offered me, but I ate 3 pieces.
At home there was pizza, my whole Daily balance is messed up. Actually, I like pizza, even if it gives us far too often. But yesterday it took me so alittle bit disgusted
Tarek had while we were away, visiting and tinkered a bit - to include styrofoam. There were quite a crash, because he has sucked away the remains and the vacuum cleaner would have been almost destroyed. My mother was extremely annoyed, and has argued with Dad. She called through the apartment, whether we would find it better if they would also just set the whole day on a PC. I always feel damn guilty if someone screams - even though I, unlike yesterday, I'm not even addressed. Also, I've always illogically a certain fear that to let my parents divorce when they argue. I hope my father is going away soon for a cure.
I'm asleep in the evening watching TV, but my brother got me wake. Thank God I was still asleep relatively quickly, when I was in bed. Woke up
I'm also relatively early. This works with getting up but not quite.
Then said my father to have to annoy me and told me in detail that we need to collect my payment, the family doctor, however, to make in half an hour and we do not have a car, because Mama is indeed at work and Peter is not even there just to tell me then, I can pick up the transfer at half past 3 in the pharmacy in the village.
I was then too, but had received no referral. I was even in both pharmacies, but nowhere they had arrived. When the family doctor was no more, so my father will be on Monday morning to get involved.
For lunch I ate a little rice with curry sauce and peas and carrots.
is nice weather outside, I think I'll go out a little.
clock 18:04
I am now back again, was' an hour on the road. Finally I once did what I always wanted to do again. I'm looking for a direction decided and I just went - without a goal, only to a specific time.
I almost came to Rummenohl, just before I have repented. To go back felt weird because I suddenly had a goal yet. Somewhere I also wanted to return not, I think.
At Aldi I then met Peter and let him take me. But instead I have helped him and listened to him. Peter hears himself talk, I have the feeling.
Now I will drink something and eat only a little fruit.
clock 18:54
I be real 'ne masochist needs. I get my mind off of my hunger and watch a cooking show * headdesk *
clock 19:34
I hate cooking shows, but now I eat something else. I have no discipline.
times today I will go to bed early. Maybe I'm able to get up tomorrow exceptionally early. I also have tomorrow to pack my school bag. If I only do Monday morning, so I forget everything.
clock 22:02
waking sleep, the time between and is the most terrible of the day. If one tries to sleep, the thoughts are so loud and painful. I just want to sleep yet (and not wake up).
I want to believe (again?). I want something that I hold on me can, which I take my (ongoing) fear of death. I wish nothing more than to believe in God.
Sat, 04:08:07, 1:56 clock
Now I'm wide awake and can not sleep again.
Fri, 03:08:07, 16:25 clock
The film was yesterday Sun He was pretty effektheischerisch and I took most of the time tended to focus on the errors, but otherwise quite nice. Maybe I was just too tired to be excited.
Normally there are popcorn when we go to the movies, we do it anyway so rare. This time I've dispensed with, which surprised my mom pretty. Of the Haribo cherries, it has offered me, but I ate 3 pieces.
At home there was pizza, my whole Daily balance is messed up. Actually, I like pizza, even if it gives us far too often. But yesterday it took me so alittle bit disgusted
Tarek had while we were away, visiting and tinkered a bit - to include styrofoam. There were quite a crash, because he has sucked away the remains and the vacuum cleaner would have been almost destroyed. My mother was extremely annoyed, and has argued with Dad. She called through the apartment, whether we would find it better if they would also just set the whole day on a PC. I always feel damn guilty if someone screams - even though I, unlike yesterday, I'm not even addressed. Also, I've always illogically a certain fear that to let my parents divorce when they argue. I hope my father is going away soon for a cure.
I'm asleep in the evening watching TV, but my brother got me wake. Thank God I was still asleep relatively quickly, when I was in bed. Woke up
I'm also relatively early. This works with getting up but not quite.
Then said my father to have to annoy me and told me in detail that we need to collect my payment, the family doctor, however, to make in half an hour and we do not have a car, because Mama is indeed at work and Peter is not even there just to tell me then, I can pick up the transfer at half past 3 in the pharmacy in the village.
I was then too, but had received no referral. I was even in both pharmacies, but nowhere they had arrived. When the family doctor was no more, so my father will be on Monday morning to get involved.
For lunch I ate a little rice with curry sauce and peas and carrots.
is nice weather outside, I think I'll go out a little.
clock 18:04
I am now back again, was' an hour on the road. Finally I once did what I always wanted to do again. I'm looking for a direction decided and I just went - without a goal, only to a specific time.
I almost came to Rummenohl, just before I have repented. To go back felt weird because I suddenly had a goal yet. Somewhere I also wanted to return not, I think.
At Aldi I then met Peter and let him take me. But instead I have helped him and listened to him. Peter hears himself talk, I have the feeling.
Now I will drink something and eat only a little fruit.
clock 18:54
I be real 'ne masochist needs. I get my mind off of my hunger and watch a cooking show * headdesk *
clock 19:34
I hate cooking shows, but now I eat something else. I have no discipline.
times today I will go to bed early. Maybe I'm able to get up tomorrow exceptionally early. I also have tomorrow to pack my school bag. If I only do Monday morning, so I forget everything.
clock 22:02
waking sleep, the time between and is the most terrible of the day. If one tries to sleep, the thoughts are so loud and painful. I just want to sleep yet (and not wake up).
I want to believe (again?). I want something that I hold on me can, which I take my (ongoing) fear of death. I wish nothing more than to believe in God.
Sat, 04:08:07, 1:56 clock
Now I'm wide awake and can not sleep again.
Hgb Blood Test Safe Upper Limit
Friday to Monday to Thursday in extracts
I'm lazy, forgetful and undizipliniert (to name only some of my bad qualities and weaknesses). Therefore, I squeeze everything that has happened in 4 days, in an entry.
Mo, 07.30.2007, 22:06
Ironically, I've just logged into the self-help forum where Micah had also written. I am ever come only through him there. I have his Links geöffnet und das Forum gefiel mir auf Anhieb. Jedoch hatte ich nicht vor, mich dort Micha auszusetzen, weshalb ich mich nur ein wenig umgeschaut habe ohne mich zu registrieren.
Gestern bin ich den Links dann noch mal gefolgt und habe gesehen, dass unter seinem Nick jetzt „unregistriert“ steht, weshalb ich genug Mut gefasst hab, um mich dort anzumelden – zumal es mir gestern echt mies ging.
Ich denke, dass ich mich dort wohl fühlen werde.
Di, 31.07.07, 4:02 Uhr
In genau einer Woche, 10 Stunden und 28 Minuten habe ich meinen ersten Termin bei der Thera. Ich glaube, ich sollte nervös sein. Vielleicht wäre auch Freude darüber, dass I finally got professional help (God, sounds like that) get the appropriate emotion.
No, that's how I know would be an understatement still very nervous. I would almost panic and would always "I do not" think.
Yes, if I had feelings, I would react like that. Almost disturbing, as I'm cool.
Exactly 3 weeks is my world collapsed. I have lost the ground beneath the feet final and the only thing that keeps me even more is a rope. Whispers from the bottom of the abyss beguiling words, while above me one hand holds the rope, but not pull it. The scissors I have in my hand.
Wed, 01:08:07, 01:50 clock
Is life a privilege or an audit? If you make the most of it or just trying to get over it as possible without prejudice? How have we deserve to live? Why were we not asked if we ever do? What did the whole thing for a purpose?
all questions unanswered. Especially the last can only be answered for himself.
If I had to give three possible answers would be the first
Life has not. Point. Off. Done. Heul quiet, if it do not like.
second The meaning of life is to search for the meaning of life. The answer would my philosophy teacher like it.
third Everyone needs his life for themselves give meaning. Whether this sense is really useful too, is ultimately subjective. Personally I would tend
yes to a mixture of all three. Too bad that 1 and 2 are mutually exclusive. Then probably rather first
What was that again: "In the moment when a man questioned the meaning and value of life, he is sick." (Sigmund Freud)
Is it presumptuous to Freud described as naive?
Thu, 02:08:07, 00:28 clock
There are only 4 days until I must return to school. Four days and nights I've had time to think Sleep schedule (and my spelling) back into order.
Actually I wanted to do the former yesterday, as I completely do without sleep and for the next day before going to bed. This also has worked out quite well, as my alarm clock rang, I was awake anyway. Gone to sleep I went after I had pressed the 5-minute key. Maybe I
creating today's yes. Finally
would it not so sparkling when I on the first day in high school learn in anything.
I believe that in the upper secondary level, everything changes. I hate change, they frighten me.
I had to do with my classmates never much. I was just KleinDrucksi, those who always has good grades without learning, and then not even happy about it, those who can not make-up and clothes with no brand, those who will not go away over the weekend and gets drunk. You have come to me when they said something or did have homework. Otherwise, I was just here - no more and no less.
Nevertheless, I find myself often at the thought that I would not want the class associations are dissolved. Daria and Kate, my mom calls it as girls are, at least in the majors in no case with me in a course. Crazy enough to choose computer science, were few, and the same is with music. Also, I'm afraid
before, but now that that happens, since I was afraid for so long: that I suddenly stopped everything falls into your lap. I never learned how to learn, because I never had. I always have everything immediately understood what the teacher said, and could apply it directly without having it looked at me again at home. Also, simple formulas can set up alone if I have a clear statement.
What I'm not at all clear, however, is the method I give you now a few leaves. Edit it and you worked out the formula itself " Even if I can bring myself to actually edit some of these tasks, it might stick either nothing or I understand do not know what it is. Something
Mathematics - as I've not even noticed the name, I think it was something with periods - we should also develop in this way myself. SK has invested in it are just 3 lessons, however, previously threatened us that we need this topic in physics. I have not understood even begin, and the rest of the class probably not, but physics will haunt me until graduation. What do I do now?
My spelling can also be quite unsatisfactory, since I only had the internet and write me again in a process of being where I am able to start a book, where I know otherwise 'm such a bookworm. If I do not watch, I write as soon as my father - and he is dyslexic. Therefore, he asked me in between, something to type for him.
He thinks I type fast. Well, everything is relative and subjective perception always depends on the comparison. He proposed to me at least, but even to make a writing course. I would really like to learn. Maybe I'm no longer so often too slow when I chat or reply to a forum topic.
[...]
say all, I would be (too) thin. My mother calls me an asparagus, has a teacher when I did not want a piece of cake said "You do not want !. Has to be not anorexic, "and Hannah begged me in Amsterdam almost to eat a wine gum
Objectively, I weigh not enough I have a BMI of 22;.. It is within the normal range eat I also persistent, so I Anorexia can rule out definitely.
Subjectively, I find myself still too thick. I hate the fat rolls that come to light when I sit down, I hate my big thighs and calves. I have often thought to decrease. It would indeed already inadequate if I stop to eat out of boredom, but I can not.
with 5 pounds less I would even still a normal weight. 45kg sounds also much better than 50kg.
6:47 clock
sccheint The first phase of my plan to have succeeded. I have not slept. If I'm lucky I'm even awake after a shower.
clock 10:40
wax is somehow not the right word to write my state. I yawn constantly and am so alittle bit of the track. Nevertheless, my brain is still working at full speed.
I'm hungry - I think anyway. My mother is at half / 1:45 from work and then make dinner. Normally, I would stew in the meantime something sweet in me, but today I will not. Today I want to prove to me that there are other way. 45kg hear really good.
clock 14:16
Today is a day that would be the one to have stayed in bed. I just do not know if I got him with my self-imposed sleep deprivation to make that my days have once again ready to fit the worst possible time, or if I was as caught up in something like that often.
I just slept a couple of minutes, but still come out of the yawning not get out. Right in the movie I intended to sleep. I also have abdominal pain and headaches.
to eat mom brought sandwiches. I was not hungry because I was woken up just before, but I'm forced to do a half Brötchen ohne alles zu essen.
I'm lazy, forgetful and undizipliniert (to name only some of my bad qualities and weaknesses). Therefore, I squeeze everything that has happened in 4 days, in an entry.
Mo, 07.30.2007, 22:06
Ironically, I've just logged into the self-help forum where Micah had also written. I am ever come only through him there. I have his Links geöffnet und das Forum gefiel mir auf Anhieb. Jedoch hatte ich nicht vor, mich dort Micha auszusetzen, weshalb ich mich nur ein wenig umgeschaut habe ohne mich zu registrieren.
Gestern bin ich den Links dann noch mal gefolgt und habe gesehen, dass unter seinem Nick jetzt „unregistriert“ steht, weshalb ich genug Mut gefasst hab, um mich dort anzumelden – zumal es mir gestern echt mies ging.
Ich denke, dass ich mich dort wohl fühlen werde.
Di, 31.07.07, 4:02 Uhr
In genau einer Woche, 10 Stunden und 28 Minuten habe ich meinen ersten Termin bei der Thera. Ich glaube, ich sollte nervös sein. Vielleicht wäre auch Freude darüber, dass I finally got professional help (God, sounds like that) get the appropriate emotion.
No, that's how I know would be an understatement still very nervous. I would almost panic and would always "I do not" think.
Yes, if I had feelings, I would react like that. Almost disturbing, as I'm cool.
Exactly 3 weeks is my world collapsed. I have lost the ground beneath the feet final and the only thing that keeps me even more is a rope. Whispers from the bottom of the abyss beguiling words, while above me one hand holds the rope, but not pull it. The scissors I have in my hand.
Wed, 01:08:07, 01:50 clock
Is life a privilege or an audit? If you make the most of it or just trying to get over it as possible without prejudice? How have we deserve to live? Why were we not asked if we ever do? What did the whole thing for a purpose?
all questions unanswered. Especially the last can only be answered for himself.
If I had to give three possible answers would be the first
Life has not. Point. Off. Done. Heul quiet, if it do not like.
second The meaning of life is to search for the meaning of life. The answer would my philosophy teacher like it.
third Everyone needs his life for themselves give meaning. Whether this sense is really useful too, is ultimately subjective. Personally I would tend
yes to a mixture of all three. Too bad that 1 and 2 are mutually exclusive. Then probably rather first
What was that again: "In the moment when a man questioned the meaning and value of life, he is sick." (Sigmund Freud)
Is it presumptuous to Freud described as naive?
Thu, 02:08:07, 00:28 clock
There are only 4 days until I must return to school. Four days and nights I've had time to think Sleep schedule (and my spelling) back into order.
Actually I wanted to do the former yesterday, as I completely do without sleep and for the next day before going to bed. This also has worked out quite well, as my alarm clock rang, I was awake anyway. Gone to sleep I went after I had pressed the 5-minute key. Maybe I
creating today's yes. Finally
would it not so sparkling when I on the first day in high school learn in anything.
I believe that in the upper secondary level, everything changes. I hate change, they frighten me.
I had to do with my classmates never much. I was just KleinDrucksi, those who always has good grades without learning, and then not even happy about it, those who can not make-up and clothes with no brand, those who will not go away over the weekend and gets drunk. You have come to me when they said something or did have homework. Otherwise, I was just here - no more and no less.
Nevertheless, I find myself often at the thought that I would not want the class associations are dissolved. Daria and Kate, my mom calls it as girls are, at least in the majors in no case with me in a course. Crazy enough to choose computer science, were few, and the same is with music. Also, I'm afraid
before, but now that that happens, since I was afraid for so long: that I suddenly stopped everything falls into your lap. I never learned how to learn, because I never had. I always have everything immediately understood what the teacher said, and could apply it directly without having it looked at me again at home. Also, simple formulas can set up alone if I have a clear statement.
What I'm not at all clear, however, is the method I give you now a few leaves. Edit it and you worked out the formula itself " Even if I can bring myself to actually edit some of these tasks, it might stick either nothing or I understand do not know what it is. Something
Mathematics - as I've not even noticed the name, I think it was something with periods - we should also develop in this way myself. SK has invested in it are just 3 lessons, however, previously threatened us that we need this topic in physics. I have not understood even begin, and the rest of the class probably not, but physics will haunt me until graduation. What do I do now?
My spelling can also be quite unsatisfactory, since I only had the internet and write me again in a process of being where I am able to start a book, where I know otherwise 'm such a bookworm. If I do not watch, I write as soon as my father - and he is dyslexic. Therefore, he asked me in between, something to type for him.
He thinks I type fast. Well, everything is relative and subjective perception always depends on the comparison. He proposed to me at least, but even to make a writing course. I would really like to learn. Maybe I'm no longer so often too slow when I chat or reply to a forum topic.
[...]
say all, I would be (too) thin. My mother calls me an asparagus, has a teacher when I did not want a piece of cake said "You do not want !. Has to be not anorexic, "and Hannah begged me in Amsterdam almost to eat a wine gum
Objectively, I weigh not enough I have a BMI of 22;.. It is within the normal range eat I also persistent, so I Anorexia can rule out definitely.
Subjectively, I find myself still too thick. I hate the fat rolls that come to light when I sit down, I hate my big thighs and calves. I have often thought to decrease. It would indeed already inadequate if I stop to eat out of boredom, but I can not.
with 5 pounds less I would even still a normal weight. 45kg sounds also much better than 50kg.
6:47 clock
sccheint The first phase of my plan to have succeeded. I have not slept. If I'm lucky I'm even awake after a shower.
clock 10:40
wax is somehow not the right word to write my state. I yawn constantly and am so alittle bit of the track. Nevertheless, my brain is still working at full speed.
I'm hungry - I think anyway. My mother is at half / 1:45 from work and then make dinner. Normally, I would stew in the meantime something sweet in me, but today I will not. Today I want to prove to me that there are other way. 45kg hear really good.
clock 14:16
Today is a day that would be the one to have stayed in bed. I just do not know if I got him with my self-imposed sleep deprivation to make that my days have once again ready to fit the worst possible time, or if I was as caught up in something like that often.
I just slept a couple of minutes, but still come out of the yawning not get out. Right in the movie I intended to sleep. I also have abdominal pain and headaches.
to eat mom brought sandwiches. I was not hungry because I was woken up just before, but I'm forced to do a half Brötchen ohne alles zu essen.
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