Friday to Monday to Thursday in extracts
I'm lazy, forgetful and undizipliniert (to name only some of my bad qualities and weaknesses). Therefore, I squeeze everything that has happened in 4 days, in an entry.
Mo, 07.30.2007, 22:06
Ironically, I've just logged into the self-help forum where Micah had also written. I am ever come only through him there. I have his Links geöffnet und das Forum gefiel mir auf Anhieb. Jedoch hatte ich nicht vor, mich dort Micha auszusetzen, weshalb ich mich nur ein wenig umgeschaut habe ohne mich zu registrieren.
Gestern bin ich den Links dann noch mal gefolgt und habe gesehen, dass unter seinem Nick jetzt „unregistriert“ steht, weshalb ich genug Mut gefasst hab, um mich dort anzumelden – zumal es mir gestern echt mies ging.
Ich denke, dass ich mich dort wohl fühlen werde.
Di, 31.07.07, 4:02 Uhr
In genau einer Woche, 10 Stunden und 28 Minuten habe ich meinen ersten Termin bei der Thera. Ich glaube, ich sollte nervös sein. Vielleicht wäre auch Freude darüber, dass I finally got professional help (God, sounds like that) get the appropriate emotion.
No, that's how I know would be an understatement still very nervous. I would almost panic and would always "I do not" think.
Yes, if I had feelings, I would react like that. Almost disturbing, as I'm cool.
Exactly 3 weeks is my world collapsed. I have lost the ground beneath the feet final and the only thing that keeps me even more is a rope. Whispers from the bottom of the abyss beguiling words, while above me one hand holds the rope, but not pull it. The scissors I have in my hand.
Wed, 01:08:07, 01:50 clock
Is life a privilege or an audit? If you make the most of it or just trying to get over it as possible without prejudice? How have we deserve to live? Why were we not asked if we ever do? What did the whole thing for a purpose?
all questions unanswered. Especially the last can only be answered for himself.
If I had to give three possible answers would be the first
Life has not. Point. Off. Done. Heul quiet, if it do not like.
second The meaning of life is to search for the meaning of life. The answer would my philosophy teacher like it.
third Everyone needs his life for themselves give meaning. Whether this sense is really useful too, is ultimately subjective. Personally I would tend
yes to a mixture of all three. Too bad that 1 and 2 are mutually exclusive. Then probably rather first
What was that again: "In the moment when a man questioned the meaning and value of life, he is sick." (Sigmund Freud)
Is it presumptuous to Freud described as naive?
Thu, 02:08:07, 00:28 clock
There are only 4 days until I must return to school. Four days and nights I've had time to think Sleep schedule (and my spelling) back into order.
Actually I wanted to do the former yesterday, as I completely do without sleep and for the next day before going to bed. This also has worked out quite well, as my alarm clock rang, I was awake anyway. Gone to sleep I went after I had pressed the 5-minute key. Maybe I
creating today's yes. Finally
would it not so sparkling when I on the first day in high school learn in anything.
I believe that in the upper secondary level, everything changes. I hate change, they frighten me.
I had to do with my classmates never much. I was just KleinDrucksi, those who always has good grades without learning, and then not even happy about it, those who can not make-up and clothes with no brand, those who will not go away over the weekend and gets drunk. You have come to me when they said something or did have homework. Otherwise, I was just here - no more and no less.
Nevertheless, I find myself often at the thought that I would not want the class associations are dissolved. Daria and Kate, my mom calls it as girls are, at least in the majors in no case with me in a course. Crazy enough to choose computer science, were few, and the same is with music. Also, I'm afraid
before, but now that that happens, since I was afraid for so long: that I suddenly stopped everything falls into your lap. I never learned how to learn, because I never had. I always have everything immediately understood what the teacher said, and could apply it directly without having it looked at me again at home. Also, simple formulas can set up alone if I have a clear statement.
What I'm not at all clear, however, is the method I give you now a few leaves. Edit it and you worked out the formula itself " Even if I can bring myself to actually edit some of these tasks, it might stick either nothing or I understand do not know what it is. Something
Mathematics - as I've not even noticed the name, I think it was something with periods - we should also develop in this way myself. SK has invested in it are just 3 lessons, however, previously threatened us that we need this topic in physics. I have not understood even begin, and the rest of the class probably not, but physics will haunt me until graduation. What do I do now?
My spelling can also be quite unsatisfactory, since I only had the internet and write me again in a process of being where I am able to start a book, where I know otherwise 'm such a bookworm. If I do not watch, I write as soon as my father - and he is dyslexic. Therefore, he asked me in between, something to type for him.
He thinks I type fast. Well, everything is relative and subjective perception always depends on the comparison. He proposed to me at least, but even to make a writing course. I would really like to learn. Maybe I'm no longer so often too slow when I chat or reply to a forum topic.
[...]
say all, I would be (too) thin. My mother calls me an asparagus, has a teacher when I did not want a piece of cake said "You do not want !. Has to be not anorexic, "and Hannah begged me in Amsterdam almost to eat a wine gum
Objectively, I weigh not enough I have a BMI of 22;.. It is within the normal range eat I also persistent, so I Anorexia can rule out definitely.
Subjectively, I find myself still too thick. I hate the fat rolls that come to light when I sit down, I hate my big thighs and calves. I have often thought to decrease. It would indeed already inadequate if I stop to eat out of boredom, but I can not.
with 5 pounds less I would even still a normal weight. 45kg sounds also much better than 50kg.
6:47 clock
sccheint The first phase of my plan to have succeeded. I have not slept. If I'm lucky I'm even awake after a shower.
clock 10:40
wax is somehow not the right word to write my state. I yawn constantly and am so alittle bit of the track. Nevertheless, my brain is still working at full speed.
I'm hungry - I think anyway. My mother is at half / 1:45 from work and then make dinner. Normally, I would stew in the meantime something sweet in me, but today I will not. Today I want to prove to me that there are other way. 45kg hear really good.
clock 14:16
Today is a day that would be the one to have stayed in bed. I just do not know if I got him with my self-imposed sleep deprivation to make that my days have once again ready to fit the worst possible time, or if I was as caught up in something like that often.
I just slept a couple of minutes, but still come out of the yawning not get out. Right in the movie I intended to sleep. I also have abdominal pain and headaches.
to eat mom brought sandwiches. I was not hungry because I was woken up just before, but I'm forced to do a half Brötchen ohne alles zu essen.
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